It Is Well

I have been attempting to write this blog for about 6 months.   I've written it over and over in my mind countless times but when push comes to shove, I simply haven't been able to put it on paper.  Today, on this last day of 2015, I feel like I should push through and do this because this was really the biggest event of my year.  Today I'm going to write about my Grandma.  There is a LOT I can write about her.  I could write pages and pages about her.  Today, I'm choosing to write about the hard part, when I lost her.  I know some are probably wondering why I am choosing to write about this, but I just feel the need to.  I guess it's part of the grieving process.  

 We knew she didn't have long, but weren't sure yet how long she had.  We came down for Memorial weekend.  At this point, she was still talking and had her whit.  She was making jokes and making us laugh.  Our family reunion was that weekend as well and I wanted every moment with her that I could have. Before I came, my sister had asked me if I would sing for Grandma at the nursing home.  Of course I was honored.  That Saturday, I didn't know what to expect, but about 40 or 50 people showed up in the main room of the nursing home.  It was an awkward set up and I'm not the best pianist so it was awkward as I was clunking through hymns facing a wall. Out of nowhere a distant cousin I've never met comes in and she's an amazing pianist and vocalist. She played the piano and we sang all kinds of songs for Grandma.  She sat there, smile on her face, singing and clapping along.  We closed that time with the Old Rugged Cross.  As the reality of the words of that song and the situation we were facing hit, I couldn't continue.  I have to admit though, that I was disappointed with that day.  It was fun and I loved singing for Grandma and had fun singing with Anita (the distant cousin), but I felt like there was something else I needed to do for Grandma. 

The next day, she seemed to really start declining quickly.  On Monday, we had to return home but I had planned on returning to Sikeston in two weeks.  We went to the nursing home and no one was there.  That within itself was a miracle because we tried to have someone there nonstop.  Grandma was sitting in her recliner with her oxygen hooked up.  She wasn't very responsive and wasn't able to speak much coherently. I sat there and held her hand.  She didn't say much.  I knew this was probably my last chance to be with her.  As I got up to leave, tears streaming, I went to tell her goodbye.  She grabbed my hand hard and pulled me down.  Over the next few minutes, she cried and told me she didn't want to leave me.  I've heard that people near death need permission to leave from their loved ones.  In retrospect, I think she was asking that and I think she was also needing some comfort.  I hugged her, kissed her, rubbed her hair and told her it was going to be okay and it was okay to let go.  I told her that while I wanted her to stay with me forever, I knew she had something much greater ahead and that I don't want her here in pain, I want her pain free with her Savior and reunited with her son.  She told me over and over how much she loved me and how proud of me she was.  We all cried, knowing this was the last time we would see her.  Suddenly, she sat up and with strength in her voice, she asked Michaella to come to her.  Michaella stood up and went to her side and took her hand.  Grandma looked at her and told her that she had only been part of our family for a short time but she loved her just as much as any of her other grandkids.  She told her how proud she was of her and how much she loved her.  She told her that I would need her to help me through this after she was gone.  She said "Marti thinks she's strong, but I know better."  She then told Randy to take care of her girl.  We all sat there hugging and loving on her after that.  I promised her I would see her again in a couple of weeks. She kept saying no, it's too far of a drive, but I told her I WOULD be back.

That was my last coherent conversation with her.  And I will treasure it always.  

Shortly thereafter my sister came in as we were leaving.  I told her I would be back before the week was over because she would be gone.  She said no, she still has months.  I said no, this is it.  
We travelled back to Neosho and I finished out the last week of school with a heavy heart. I wanted to be home with her so much. That Friday night after school was out I went to a women's retreat at church.  While there, my sister called and told me I needed to come home because it wouldn't be long.  The next morning (a Saturday), I drove home by myself (Randy had to work and Michaella had something else).  

I drove straight to the nursing home and ran in to her bedside.  Mom said I had to get in her face and tell her who I was.  I did, and she briefly opened her eyes.  I said, "Grandma, it's Marti. I told you I'd come back."  At this point the cancer had spread to her brain and she couldn't speak.  She opened her eyes wide and squeezed my hand.  She knew I was there.  For the next several hours I sat at her bedside holding her hand.  She wouldn't let go.  If I did get up, someone else would hold her hand.  SHe needed to know we were there.  
The day was busy with family in and out, paying their last respects.  More than anything, I wanted just a little bit of alone time with her.  I prayed God would give me one more chance to be alone with her.  Late that night, everyone had gone except my Aunt Dianna and my Great Aunt Wanda.  I was still at her bedside holding her hand.  The nurses had come in and changed her diaper and she was in a lot of pain and couldn't get comfortable.  The pain was etched all of her face and even with morphine often, it was not easing much.  

After the nurse came in and adjusted her again to try to make her comfortable, I asked Grandma if I could sing to her.  She squeezed my hand and I sang every song I could think of for the next hour. I probably butchered the words of several old hymns, but that didn't matter.  It was what I wanted to be my last gift for her.  I wanted to make her feel comfortable and feel peace.  She eventually fell asleep ,for the last time, and I finished with "It Is Well."  

The next morning, we knew the end was coming soon. My mom, sisters, niece Kayla, aunt and I were all at her bedside.  I've never watched someone pass so I was scared, but I knew it was coming.  It was a very private, intimate moment so I won't share details, but we watched her take her last breath.  We were all crying but suddenly my sister Sara started laughing a bit.  We all looked at her and she said "She just saw Jesus face to face.  She's not in pain anymore."  

God gave us all peace.  Grandma's last gift to us was the knowledge that she was indeed with her Lord and Savior.  I know some people see "religion" as a crutch, but I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a Heaven and there is a Hell.  Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and Grandma chose Jesus and as a result, she is in Heaven with Him and someday, I will be too.  She didn't live a perfect life by any means.  She didn't always live a godly life and made some poor decisions along the way (don't we all!), but she eventually figured it out.  

I miss her more than words can say. The first Thanksgiving and Christmas have been very difficult.  I have regrets, as we all do, about not making enough of an effort as an adult to spend more time with her, to call more, etc.  I can waller in those regrets and that would honestly be very easy to do, but I choose not to.  I can learn from them and make more effort to spend time with my loved ones now.  
The best way I can honor her is to live my life to the fullest and keep memories of her alive and spread the love of Christ to all I encounter.  I'm thankful for her life and the relationship we had.  

1. 
   
2. It Is Well by Horatio Spafford 
3. 
   
4. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well with my soul,
     It is well, it is well with my soul.
5. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
6. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
7. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
8. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
9. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

I ❤️ Reading

I am a learner. It's my top strength according to the strengths Finder quiz I took at Evangel University.
I love reading.
I love words.
I love language and linguistics.
I love etymology.
I mildly enjoy writing but it's not my favorite.

It's a good thing I love all of the above since I'm getting a master's degree in literacy.
I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes, yet I do love all of the above.

In my studies as an educator and a graduate student, I've done a lot of self-reflection.  What makes one person a lover of books and words and another not?  That's a loaded question and there's been a ton of brain research done.  I won't bore you with that. We'll just say there's a lot of theories and a lot of research.  A lot of it points to family life.  Now before I go further, please know that I'm not pointing fingers at people, especially parents.  Im sharing my experiences and some of what I've researched.
How you are raised can effect your ability and love of reading.
Let me share with you my experience.
My mom is an avid reader.  She read every day, often for hours.  My dad, while not an avid reader, read to me every night. Some of my earliest memories are my dad and I reading together. I was about 4 the first time I remenber reading a Little Christmas Golden Book by myself.  Granted, I probably had it memorized, but I did know when to turn the pages and I knew that each group of letters stood for a word.
I don't remember learning to read. I've heard that's pretty normal for people who were early readers.   I remember reading in school was easy and fun. (Math...not so much...).  Spelling has always been a piece of cake.
So back to the point, my parents loved reading. Whether they recognized the importance of it I do not know.  But it was important. My favorite memories of my mom were making regular trips to the Book Bug in Sikeston. Mom was constantly trading in books to get more. She would give me a set amount and I could go buy books. We didn't frequent the library often because we bought and traded so often. I also remembering being obsessed with Babysitter's Club. There was a new bookstore in the mall and mom would let me go get a new book. Used books were amazing...but a NEW book?? I was on cloud 9.
I have incredibly rich memories of living in a literate rich house.   Not only did we read books, my dad was an incredible story teller.  He would tell stories of his childhood.  I still have images in my mind from the stories he told.  I would visualize everything as he told the stories.  I almost feel that they are my memories because of the vivid descriptions he gave. I can picture my grandma and great grandma (whom I never met) feeding hobos off the train. I can picture my dad watching the movies with no sound on the outdoor theater across from their farm. I can see, in black and white, my dad chasing the ice wagon.  I can picture the farm he lived on in great detail.  If I ever saw these things in real life, because my visualization of them is so vivid, I'd probably be disappointed.

There are four aspects of language: reading, writing, listening and speaking.  My parents read with me, encouraged me to write, listened to me and had me to listen their stories and we engaged in spoken conversation.  Unknowingly, they filled my life with all aspects of language.   My life was filled with rich experiences. We weren't monetarily rich but I lived and learned through books.

Right here I could go into the effects of poverty on literacy, but I won't. Research Ruby Payne if you want to see staggering, scary information on that.

So what am I getting at in all of this?  What's the point?

Parents, read with your kids.  Let them see you reading.  Talk with them, not at them. Share your life stories with them.  Buy cheap used books or visit the library.  Converse!  Do it for your kids. Let them see you loving it and they will more than likely love reading. Let them experience the world through books.  Build their knowledge bank through reading.  It really does open up the  world for themthem.

Speechless...

I'm very rarely speechless...like never... I can almost always verbalized my thoughts and opinions in a clear and comprehensible manner.

But here I am, three weeks post missions trip and I am still unable to comprehensively without sobbing talk about the depth of my last trip to Guatemala.  If you are expecting to read this and learn all about what I did on my trip, be warned,  because that not where I am going with this.

Before I embark on any missions or ministry opportunity I pray that God will use me, the people I encounter will see Gods love in me, and I pray that God will break my heart and help me see the world as He does.

Sure, that has happened before...but nothing to the magnitude of this experience.  In trying to explain to my husband (who's never experienced this) I can't pinpoint one thing that changed me or made the biggest impact on me.  It was the overall experience.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  It was a million little things that all hit me on my return and sent me into a post missions trip depression.  This is my 5th trip (3rd to Guatemala) and I've never experienced anything like this to this magnitude.  I may be talking a lot right now but truly I am speechless.

I don't want to go back to life as normal.  I don't want to look at pictures and smile like "ah how fun that was."  I want to be on my knees praying for the lost, caring for the widows and orphans as Jesus has commanded us...has commanded ME.  I can't simply go back to my old life.   I'm broken.  And that's not a bad thing because God takes broken and weak things and repairs and restores them.  He then shows off His work and sends it out to reflect His light.  I read a quote today by CS Lewis today that something to the effect of we do not do things to shine our light, but to show His light in us.

My prayer for my friends and family is that God breaks your heart as He has mine.  I think everyone needs to experience this point of utter dependence on God and to hurt so much for the lost.  We could change the world together as broken vessels.  It's not about the greatest preaching, lights, music, fancy buildings, etc.  Its about the heart of God and truly becoming more like Him and fulfilling  what He has called us to do.

I've always been called to ministry of some kind or another.  Right now that ministry is teaching and my family.  Yet I believe there is much more God has in store for us beyond our wildest imagination. I'm dreaming big for the future God has for us but I'm also searching what He has for us now.

Don't be afraid to pray for a broken heart, but be prepared for the after because when it happens it will rock your world to your core.  It's not always easy and please forgive the old cliche, but neither was dying on the cross.

Well this blog is WAY overdue!  There has been so much happen in my life I really do not know where to even begin.  So we'll start with the fact that I'm getting married in 20 days!  YIKES!  Many have asked how we met, etc so I guess I'll start with that!  Here goes: 

In November I decided to join an online dating site (POF.com).  I had tried these things in the past but never had any luck.  I randomly decided to give it one more shot just for the heck of it.  Long story short, after talking to two guys that ended up not being who they said they were, I was done.  Enter Randy at the end of December.  He had messaged me and I honestly wasn't really that interested.  We messaged a few times but I  just wasn't feeling it.  At the end of December, I felt God telling me I needed to go on a month long Facebook fast in order to draw closer to Him and seek His will for my life.  If he wanted me single, so be it.  I had finally accepted that fact.  On December 30th, I went to cancel my POF account.  As I was about to hit the confirm cancel button something in my spirit prompted me to stop and message Randy. I really didnt want to but I did.  I told him I wasn't really wanting to date but I felt I needed to keep talking to him so I gave him my email address.  I said I may  not even respond (how nice of me!?!?).  So I sent him the message then cancelled my account.  Within a few hours, he emailed.  

We emailed for a couple of weeks, the entire time I'm fasting and experiencing major spiritual breakthroughs in my life.  God was doing so much in  me.  We began texting and talking and he wanted to meet me.  The day before we met, some things happened and I almost backed out, but every time I tried, God wouldn't let me.  The day of the meeting was overcast and rainy and cold.  I drove to Joplin where I met Randy at the mall.  He had worked a 3 am-11 am shift so that he could meet me that day.  We had a nice walk around the mall and lunch but cut it short because of the weather.  I drove home thinking that was the last time I would see this man.  He was very nice but I just wasn't feeling it.  After the meeting, we decided to just be friends and nothing more (that was my idea!).  

We talked for two more weeks but it began tapering off.  I had planned on just telling him I didnt even really want to talk any more.  The Saturday I had planned on doing so, I laid down to take a nap after a workout.  God very clearly spoke to my heart and said "You need to see Randy and you need to see him tonight."  I fought it.  I tried to sleep (and I LOVE my sleep!) but couldn't.  It weighed so heavy on my heart.  Finally I text him, knowing he was at work, and asked if he wanted to meet that night.  He couldn't because he had a date.  I was like "See God!"  LOL.  Well a bit later he text and his date had cancelled.  He said he would rather meet me anyway.  So I drove to Joplin that night expecting to simply end it all.  

What happened blew my mind!  I had an amazing time and found myself really wanting to know him more!  So two more weeks pass and we are talking and texting continually.  We had great conversation and a definite spark there.  After those two weeks, we agreed that we wanted to see where this would go.  We talked another week or so exclusively and finally on February 16th he came down to go out and meet my friends for my roommates birthday.  He brought me flowers, a card and homemade chocolate covered strawberries.  One of the things that really did me in was that he had wanted to make them sugar free so he used unsweetened chocolate thinking it would still be sweet.  LOL.  He realized his mistake and added sweet n low to make them sweeter.  They were surprisingly good but the fact that he thought about it that much meant a lot to me.  After a great day together, we both realized we really wanted to make this work.  

He knew much faster than I that he loved me but it took me a little longer.  Even though I didnt necessarily love him, I knew he was the one after a party he had at work in Joplin that I attended with him.  Lets rewind two years real quick to my missions trip to Ireland.  

In Ireland, we had a prayer meeting one night.  While praying, a lady that did not know my life came to me and said that I was a rosebud but would soon be a rose in bloom to the man that God had created just for me.  After that, someone spoke Psalm 46:10 to me not knowing it was my favorite verse. 

Now, back to Joplin in 2013.  Randy and I were talking one night and just having a nice time.  He looked at me and said he was falling in love with me.  I said that I cared for him but I wasn't there yet and didn't want to lie to him.  He understood but then he said "You are my rose in bloom."  

I literally stopped and went "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  I had chill bumps and even though I didnt necessarily share his love just then, I knew he was the one.  It didnt take much longer for me to share those feelings though. 

So we knew we wanted to get married.  We decided that sometime in March or early April.  We had talked about waiting a longer time but finally decided that there was no reason to wait.  We both know and we know God is in it so why wait.  He officially proposed on a Saturday morning Memorial Day weekend at my parent's house.  My ring is a beautiful simple solitaire and the diamond came from my dad's ring which came from my great grandmother's wedding ring.  It means so much to me to have it and to have Randy be the one to give it to me. 

Randy is an incredibly honest and hard working man.  He loves the Lord so much and is always striving to be more and more like God.  He  is a bold witness and shares Jesus with everyone he meets.  He is generous and giving and wants to help everyone he can. He loves kids AND cats!  Unfortunately, he loves coffee too, but the love of cats overrides that!  He supports my passions and dreams.  He has become a source of strength in my life.  It has been so awesome to watch God move in his life and continually change him (he was saved not too long before we met).  There is so much I respect and admire about him.  

So on August 3rd, I will say "I DO" to this man!  I know that life won't be perfect.  We each come in bringing in our baggage and junk, but e also know that as long as we communicate with each other and work together, we will make it with God's help!  

So that's been my life the last 7 months!  

I Left My Heart in Guatemala

When I went to Ireland, I blogged daily and I loved it.  In Guatemala, I was unable to do that.  Since I returned I've been thinking how on earth I am going to put into words all that God did in that one week.  There's just SO much!  I'll do my best to convey everything that happened.

Let me preface this blog with telling you that I knew God had huge plans for me and for the team on this trip.  I faced some CRAZY opposition and spiritual attacks in the 3 or so months before this trip.  I also had it affirmed in other circumstances and through friends that they felt something huge was going to be happening.  The day we left I was so sick I seriously considered backing out at the last minute...but I didn't.  I would have regretted it the rest of my life had I done that.

Each night of the trip I sat in the rocking chair out on the balcony of the house where we stayed and journaled and reflected on the day.  I'll use highlights from my journal to compose this blog. 

The balcony was my favorite spot in the team house where we stayed.  It overlooked a street of the town of Monjas.  The sky in the evening was so big and so clear and the stars so bright.  You could hear the sounds of the crickets, the frogs and other animals in the night.  The streets were generally quiet but every night I would see men coming home from work  either on foot or bike with their machetes swinging from their sides.  During the day you would see cars and tuk tuks traveling down.  You could see the mountains in the distance all around you, and their would be children on the dirt street below playing soccer and laughing and joking in Spanish.  In the mornings our team would gather together on the balcony and listen to worship music and pray individually.  Then we would come together and pray as a group for our day.  Those times together will stay with me forever as it built our team unity and drew us closer to God and each other.  The balcony was a very special place.

Sunday, June 3 Journal Entry
Lord why you chose me to serve here in Guatemala is beyond me but I am so blessed and so unworthy. Thank you for taking me from my comfort zone and opening my eyes to what is happening around the world, yet again.
God break my heart for what breaks yours. OPen my eyees ot what you see.  May I be aware of the needs around me.  God help break the language barrier. 
Lord I know there is something here for me.  I'm scared to pray this, but God may I be willing to accept whatever it is.  I am your hands nad feet.  May I not shy away from opening my heart to these beautiful children. 

Highlights of the day:
1.  Meeting Joanne & Carroll, founders of the orphanage. These are two incredible saints of God.  They are true world changers.  I'm so excited to get to know them.
2.  The sweet children I met today:  Lila, Wendy Fabiola, Erica, Catty and the house parents. 
3.  Going to the transition house where girls go when they turn 17.  What an AWESOME way to help these girls transition into the world!  These girls have so many giftings that they will use for God.
4.  Team meeting- Learned the history of a few of the girls.  Heart breaking, yet so incredibly miraculous how God has transformed their lives and given them joy in the midst of their horrific life events. 

Monday, June 4 Journal Entry
Today Bryon, Heidi and I did a short teacher training clinic for the teachers at the school (at the orphanage).  This is my HEART!  I LOVE doing this and know this is what God has called me to do at some point in my life.   Tonight I sat with Joanne at dinner and shared my heart with her.  You came down right there in the midst of dinner and shared with us both a plan to use my gifts from the states here in Guatemala.  God I am so humbled and excited to see a part of my dreams begin to come true!  Lord may your hand direct and guide my path.  As Joanne says, it's one step at a time!  I am so overwhelmed and blessed you have chosen me.  I know that teaching and education can open so many doors for these girls.  Gloria a Dios! 

Highlights of the day:
1.  Teacher training at the school. The assistant prinicpal says "You have given us keys to unlock the minds of our students."  WOW!
2.  Charlene- Teaches ESL and works with special needs kids.  She has a passion for her job!  Her students are praying for the Spirit of God to fall on Guatemala.  WOW!
3.  Spending time with the little kids!  I love them already!  Sara, Lucia, Angel, Lila, Lubia, Alfredo and Pablo
4.  While the rest of the team was conducting a basketball camp with the older girls, God called me to go work and play with the little kids.  It was so much fun teaching them Duck Duck Goose...when they already knew how.  I learned their way of Pato Pato Gonzo (spelling?). 
5.  Talking with Joanne about the idea of a teacher training program at the school.
6.  Trying to play Uno with the little kids and laughing so hard!
7.  Team Meeting- Singing the spanish songs for VBS and learned how to make balloon animals.
8.   Had a scary moment with my insulin pump.  The adhesive wouldn't stick to my skin b/c it's so hot.  Prayed about it and Victor (our translator) took me to the farmacia and we found a special tape.  Praying it stays on until Wednesday.
9.  Had a fun late night talk on the balcony with Heidi and Deborah. 

Tuesday, June 5 Journal Entry

Because of my pump issues I was put to work in the office today instead of working on construction.  I'm kind of bummed becasue I really wanted to be active and physical; yet I know I am being a huge help in the office as well.  It's fun to sit and chat with Anna and Cyndi as well.  They are definitely kindred spirits! 

We had VBS in a rural mountain community called Las Ventanas.  The kids jumped up and down as the van drove down the rocky dirt road to get to the church (those were some scary mountain roads!).  The kids are so different than they are in the US or even at the orphanage.  They were very quiet and reserved.  I'm wondering how many of them have ever actually seen a Gringo before.  This was the first time they've ever had VBS as well.  There were 86 kids that came and many accepted Jesus.  The funniest part of the day was when Bryon and Eric were doing the lesson and there was a lady breast feeding very indiscreetly.  I could see the moment Eric and Bryon both saw it...quite funny.  That's completely normal here...I'm sure it won't be the first time we see that.  LOL. 

Highlights of the day:
1.  Pump has stayed on!
2.  Getting to know Anna while working in the office.
3.  VBS at Las Ventanas-  Learning some of the funny kids songs in Spanish (Sapo Sapo!)
4.  Time at the orphanage with Sara, Marisol, Wendy Fabiola, Angel, Pablo, Lubia and Lucia.  The power went out yet we still found ways to have fun swinging, playing on the trampoline and being silly. LOve that these kids weren't even phased by a power outage. 
5.  Touring Monjas and going to the weekly market.  Love seeing how people live and shop.
6.  Getting to know Jordan C (a team member) better- She's awesome...can't wait to get to know her more.

Wednesday, June 6 Journal Entry
"The more authentic I am, the more authority I have."-  Mark Batterson in Soulprint
"The rest God ofers is the rest of meekness, the blessed relief which comes when we accept ourselves for what we are and cease to pretend." - AW Tozer, quoted by Mark Batterson in Soulprint

Both of those quotes really hit me today.  Today I am wrestling with "me."  It's not about me it's about God.  It's not about Marti's glory...it's about God's glory.  I must put me away and focus on God.  God forgive me for ever trying to make it about me.

Highlights of the day:
1.  More fun in the office working on a mailing for Shadow of His Wings orphanage.
2.  Another great day at Las Ventanas.  We had close to 100 kids today.  They started to warm up today and had a lot of fun. 
3.  We swam in a pool that is spring fed.  There are fish in the bottom.  It's the 3rd cleanest water source in Guatemala so people often go and fill their water jugs up.  It was really cool to see how it works. I didnt swim, just put my feet in, but it was fun.
4.  My pump is still on!
5.  Team meeting-  Praying together in the morning.  Sensing a calling on Jordan's life....God has big plans for her! 
6.  Amazing dinner at Carolina's, a restaurant in Monjas.  Then having the most amazign ice cream ever at a little shop. 
7. Victor, our translastor, is the kind that makes this trip.  His passion for ministry and the girls at the orphanage is crazy.  This man needs to be a pastor. 
8. Amazed at the organization of this ministry and praying for all of those in leadership.
9.  Tomorrow is going to be a HUGE day. 

Thursday, June 7

Today has been QUITE a day!  WOW...We can plan all day long but God laughs and says "I got a better plan..."  Overall, today was the best day of this trip.  It's been terribly exhausting in every possible way...but the best.

The school asked us to pray over the school, teachers and students.  They've had some attacks and want to nip those.  We started out with half of us praying over the classrooms and half over the students.  I chose to pray over the rooms and teachers.  WOW...what a POWERFUL prayer time.  One, hearing Joanne pray just increases my prayers!  That woman can PRAY!  We anointed every door way and desk in the school as well as prayed for many of the teachers.  It was just so incredibly powerful. 

After that, we went to the store and with donated money loaded up on groceries and supplies to donate to the local nursing home.  It is a donation based nursing home and they don't receive any assistance.  I dont know for sure, but I think the residents don't pay (but I could be wrong!).  When we arrived there was a school bus filled with students from a boarding school.  We were kind of bummed because it was going to take away from our time with the patients.  We unloaded our groceries and they brought the residents in to a large room.  The place was sad.  The conditions are less than ideal as they all sleep in one big room on small beds.  The care is less than ideal becasue they dont have much to work with.  We did a short service where Heidi spoke.  The students from the local school were all in there as well.  When Heidi was done, we thought our time there was over...but God fell!  Anna began speaking and then Eric got up and preached probably one of the best off the cuff anointed sermons I've ever heard.  In the end, around 20 students and a few of the residents accepted Jesus as their savior. We had a tremendous prayer time with them.  Then a little elderly lady (when I say little...she's MAYBE 4 ft tall!) stood up and began singing songs (in Spanish).  Then another man sang.  The last man to sing was very old and looked close to death.  He didnt' stand, but sat and sang the most incredible song I've ever heard.  I have no clue what he sang ,but the place from which he sang it was incredible.  It came from so deep within his soul that i felt it came straight from the throne of heaven.  No one sang with him.  There was not a dry eye in the room when he was done.  Everyone was captivated but his voice.  I recorded it but even that will not do it justice.  What a glorious moment that I will never forget...

After lunch, I met with Joanne and Anna and we began developing the teacher training program that we will be implementing into the school.  I won't go in to all the logistics and it's still a work in progress, but it's so exciting!  In a nutshell, there are 2-3 teams that come from the US and Canada a month to work there at the project (orphanage and school).  I will be finding teachers on those teams and coordinating with them and the school to do teacher training while they are down there.  This won't be starting until January but we'll be working to get it all together in the next few months.  It was a great meeting and God was with us.  We ended in a time of prayer that just gave me an incredible peace for what God is going to do through this.  I'm so humbled; yet excited, to have this opportunity. 

In the afternoon we had the opportunity to have a basketball camp and assembly at the local public junior high.  There were around 400 kids there plus several standing outside the fence watching.  The camp itself went great.  While we were a little disapointed during the message, we are trusting that seeds were planted in the lives of those young people.  In addition to those 400 that heard the message, 200 more heard it in elementary next store as well as those standing outside the fence.  We'll never know how many truly heard the message and had seeds planted.  22 students did come back for prayer after so that was also positive. It was a really fun afternoon.

In the evening we met for one last time at the orphanage to see the kids and say goodbye.  It was a tough time.  The girls there put on a show for us and we had so much fun. They involved us and had us up on stage dancing and being silly.  I sat with Angel and Sara and had fun with them.  It's hard to say goodbye but I know these kids are in amazing hands at the orphanage and more importantly they are in God's hands.  I will continue to pray for those kids year round and look forward to seeing htem next year.

It's been a long, yet quick, extremely emotional day.  My mind is now shifting towards getting ready to go home.  It's going to be hard but I will be back here and will keep in touch with the leaders.  They are amazing people. 

Lord I am so thankful to be chosen to experience this.  I'm amazed and overwhelmed by your "bigger" plan.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this.

Oh, and I didn't have to change my pump until tonight!  God is good! 

Friday, June 8

Today we said goodbye to Monjas.  This morning we gathered on the balcony one last time while worshipping to "Rooftops" from Jesus Culture one last time.  It was an emotional morning with lots of tears.  *sigh*

We drove to Antigua and spent the afternoon sight seeing and shopping.  It's a beautiful old colonial city with lots of good markets. We had fun in the markets.  I suck at negotiating prices so Deborah did it for me.  She is WAY better than me!  haha.  It was fun.  We stayed at Los Lagos (a hostal) in Guatemala City.  It was fun staying up and having a last night with some of the younger memebers of the team.  We had some good laughs and deep conversations.  God ordained for each person to be there and he unified us from the beginning as a team anointed by Him.  I definitely feel like we are a family and it will be hard to say goodbye knowing I won't see them much.  What a week.... *sigh*

~he who fails to learn, fails to grow~

I have been reading books by Mark Batterson lately.  He is a gifted writer.  Many things that he says in his books are "Christianity:101" common sense; yet HOW he says them are just eye (and heart) opening.  I have been a Christian for most of my life, but sometimes (many times) I need these reminders. 

Recently I had something happen to me that shook me to my core.  I literally felt like someone had punched me in the gut until I could no longer breathe...and then continued to kick me while I was down. For days I walked around in a pathetic state of disbelief and confusion.   What happened took me so off guard and came from what I thought was way out of no where.  I'm still processing and dealing with these things; yet God is good.  Through this low point in my life, I have had to turn to God more than I have had to in years.  I had to get to a place of complete on my face before God brokenness in order to see some other areas of my life that I need to work on.  It's at those low places where you start seeing things from a different perspective. 

I couldn't sit and ask God why though.  I want to...but I can't.  I don't know why.  One thing I have learned is that asking why does me no good.  There are many things in my life that I still don't understand "why."  HOWEVER, there are many things in my life that took me years to learn the "why."  I've been amazed over and over and over when I look back on my life and realize that if this bad thing hadn't happened, this amazingly awesome thing never would have happened.  In Mark Batterson's book "Soulprint" he says "While you live your life forward,  God works backward. The Oniscient One always starts with the end in mind." 
Another eye opening thing he says in the same book is this: 
"Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity. And one way God redeems the past is by helping us see It through His eyes, His providence. The key to fulfilling your future destiny is hidden in your past memories." 

Another thing I am learning is to listen for the Voice of the Lord.  I could easily get lost in my hurt right now.  I could shut myself up in a shell and lock out the people that love me.  This is exactly what I started to do and it would be so seemingly easy to do that.  In Mark Batterson's book "The Circle Maker"  he says (paraphrased) that we must stop seeking answers of why things happen and simply seek GOD!   I struggle with this b/c my questions were so overwhelming.  But I am finding as I simply seek God, seek His presence, seek His voice, seek His face...that the questions are not nearly as important any more.  All I care about is being with my precious Savior and loving Him and fulfilling the purpose He gave me. 

I am so blessed.  I could sit here and choose to count the bad things in my life...my weaknesses, my faults, my shortcomings, my wants, my needs.... but I choose to count my blessings (cliche I know!).  I have so many that when I start really thanking God for them, everything else just seems to disappear. 

He is the potter, I am the clay.  May I ever be moldable in to the image of God.  Like Michaelangelo saw the masterpiece in a block of stone that later became the masterpiece David, God sees through the junk in my life and wants to bring out the masterpiece that He uniquely created in me.  He has so much for my life.  I can't sit and dwell on things I have no control over. 

Be blessed! 

Marti

And the beat goes on...

There are only 14 1/2 school days left.  For real...where did the year go???  This has been an AMAZING year.  I am SO incredibly blessed.  Last year was a real challenge and I prayed for a great year this year and I got it.  I'm so going to miss my amazing little 2nd graders.  They're such a great group of kids!  I am truly blessed.


Well the weight loss/get fit journey continues.  Four weeks ago I added CrossFit to my workout regimen.  I am SOOOO addicted!  Each workout literally kicks my butt and I seriously don't know how I'll even be able to drive home, but I feel SO GREAT!  I'm down a total of 28 lb since the end of December. I've also been consistently walking about 3 miles a day, even on CrossFit days.   I started measuring on April 2.  I measured this morning and I've lost about an inch every where but really have only lost a couple of pounds.  I haven't been able to do Zumba since I started CrossFit b/c they are at the same time but I'd like to work it out this summer so I can do both.  I feel great, even when my muscles are shaking.  :)  This has been such a great addition to my life!  I love challenging myself and pushing and then looking back when I'm done and having that sense of accomplishment.  I DID IT.  Thanks to Jenn and Allie for constantly pushing me and not letting me give up! 


On top of all of this working out, I'm staying busy at the end of the school year and gearing up for Guatemala.  It is rapidly approaching.  I still have about $350 to raise so please pray that comes in by May 16th! 


While I've had some disapointments and personal setbacks over the past couple of weeks, I'm really excited about this summer and what God is doing in and through me.  I'm looking forward to ministering and just relaxing and hanging out with friends.