Okay, so I am going to attempt to put a bunch of frustrations and personal things (without being too personal) into a tactful and heartfelt blog. It's late, but this has been on my heart for awhile and I just need to get it out there.
I am fat.
Or, if you so choose, you can use the word obese, overweight, big, large, plus sized or "one who doesn't take care of herself." (The last being a personal "favorite"-insert sarcasm).
I have attempted a number of online dating sites, both Christian and non. I haven't had any success and I'm fine with that. I want God's best for my life and so far I haven't met him. God has given me an amazing peace that the one He has for me is out there and I'm waiting on God to orchestrate all the details necessary to make that happen. I have peace!
So here's my beef. I am so tired of the excuse "guys are visual." I know that guys are, but I also think that guys overuse this an excuse to mask their own insecurities and issues in order to find their perfect trophy wife to make themselves look good. Christian guys...you are by far the worst, hands down. If I hear one more pastor exclaim from the pulpit, facebook or any other public forum that they have a "smokin' hot wife" I think I might spew vomit at them. It's as if you need a "smokin' hot wife" to validate your weaknesses and insecurities. She has to make you look good and if she doesn't look a certain way then you somehow do not look as good. Woah, that was a side rant...didnt even intend on going there...but I did and I'm not erasing it.
I have seen profile after profile after profile of guys who sound magnificent. They are all about their relationship with God, blah blah blah...and then you get to the bottom of their profile and there is ALWAYS a bottom note "By the way, I'm not into plus size girls" or "I don't do big girls so if you are big don't message me." Or "I will only date girls who take care of themselves."
Now, just to set the record straight, I do believe 100% that there has to be an attraction and compatibility. I also believe that the attraction grows over time. I am a "friends first" kinda girl, which may explain my relationship status...and that's okay because I dont want to rush in to a physical/physically attractive only relationship only to find out the guy is a complete loser and we can't carry on a conversation or he eats with his mouth open or something horrible like that. True long lasting attraction grows over time. Sure you have your initial attraction, but when the make up wears off or you see her 9 months pregnant or doesn't lose the baby weight...or bald with cancer... you have to have more than a physical attraction. Christian guys...it's time to stop looking at only her outside and start loving her for what she is on the inside. Stop holding her up to the world's unrealistic standards and hold her to God's standards and see her for who she is...a most precious daughter of the king.
When I look in a mirror I see my sassy fun hair cut, I see my "sexy" eyes (according to my BFF), I see my Netteler nose and my good teeth with as my sister says "full kissing lips". I love make up and dressing nicely (and I also love my pink comfy sweatpants and old tshirts). I see a smile that comes from my heart. I see someone who is passionate about the Lord and fulfilling His will in her life. I see someone who has an intense love for kids and the passion to see them grow and be world changers wherever they go. I see someone who is passionate about music and using it to glorify God. I see someone who is loved deeply by friends and family and 23 2nd graders. I see someone who has a heart for missions. I see a daughter of amazing parents, a sister to two awesome sisters, an aunt to 7 nieces and nepnews... and most importantly a daughter of the King. I am loved by God! What an awesome feeling!
Then I notice the fat. And somehow, I let that dominate all of the above b/c of some jerk's profiles on an onilne dating site or something a guy (or three) has said to me in the past about my weight. Shame on me and shame on you guys for allowing women to feel like they are worthless because of a number on a scale.
Obviously, as previously blogged, I am trying to lose weight. It is an uphill battle. I will never be skinny. My goal is to be healthy. I am healthy currently and I do take care of myself, but I am also overweight. I know that I have to work hard to maintain my health and do my best to lose weight. I have been eating healthy for 8 weeks. The last 3 weeks, despite healthy eating, I have gained 6 lb (of the 16 I lost). I dont' know why but I'm going to keep doing my best to be the best me I can physically. I am also doing my best to be all I can spiritually.
In the mean time, i have deactivated all online dating accounts. It's time to remove the rubbish from my life that brings me down. I'm also removing rubbish in the form of people that can't love me for me or have an issue with my weight. I don't have room for that in my life.
I challenge everyone (myself included), to start seeing what God sees. This applies in ALL relatinoships. Men (especially Christian)- It's time to stop getting hung up on her outer appearance (good or bad!) and fall in love with her heart. I am sitting here thinking of times I judged based off of appearance but then realized there was an amazing person underneath. I once judged a girl who was incredibly beautiful. I was seriously intimidated because of her beauty. Over time, we became good friends and I got to know the amazing woman of God behind the outer beauty; so this works in all areas, not just weight. On the flip side I have had friends who were incredibly beautiful and seemed to have it all together, but when I got to know them realized they were a mess with loads of baggage and issues. Beauty can only cover that for so long.
Take your blinders off and look at the heart. Weight is really the least of your concerns.
Okay, I feel better now that that's out on paper. :)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Lose it!
Here is a picture taken after I lost 9 lb. I'll take more as I go.
Well, I'm greatly enjoying my new Kindle Touch. I have read two books and read a devotional on there as well. Love it! With the ole arthritis in the hands, it's so much easier to handle than a book. Yeah, I sound like I'm 80.
Well, here it is, January 29th...already. It really feels more like March with this unseasonly warm weather. Let me tell ya, it's wreaking HAVOC upon my sinuses. If you know me at all, you know I HATE snow...but I'm really hoping for one REALLY GOOD snow. Like 2 days out of school snow. I do love a good snow day. THose are days when you feel absolutely no pressure to work. It's completely acceptable to stay in your PJ's all day and eat junk and watch girly movies. Ahhh...I REALLY want a good snow day! :)
Well, I'm greatly enjoying my new Kindle Touch. I have read two books and read a devotional on there as well. Love it! With the ole arthritis in the hands, it's so much easier to handle than a book. Yeah, I sound like I'm 80.
For a few months I've been battling the "weight" issue. Well, I've been battling it my whole life, but it's really gotten me down the last few months. In 2009, I lost 35 lb. I have gained every lb back. On December 30th, I started using an app called Lose It. It helps determine how many calories you can consume to lose 2 lb a week. I heard great things about it from others so I started using it. I was amazed at how many calories I was consuming on a normal day. I'm not sure when/how I got back to being that "bad," but it happened and it's time to take charge. SO...here we go again with trying to lose weight. This time, I'm not going all extreme though. I'm just doing calorie counting and exercise when I can. When I started counting calories, I packed up all of my clothes that were too small and they sit in two boxes in my bedroom floor. Those boxes sit there as a reminder that I WILL wear them again and I'm tired of them sitting in my floor.
The first week I was hungry a lot, until I went shopping and started buying healthier food with lower calories. I learned I can eat a lot more if I buy healthier lower calorie options.
The first week, I lost 7 lb. The 2nd week, I lost 1, the third, nothing, and then the 4th 2. I'm on the fifth week and I've lost 3...that's a total of 13 lb!
I have also started a detox this week. That's....fun... (not!).
While I have yet to bust out of the "too small" clothes boxes in my bedroom floor, I am feeling MUCH more comfortable in my clothes. When I lost weight before, I got down to a size 18. I was back in a loose 24 in December. Right now, my 24's are swallowing me and 22's are fitting just right. Another 10 lb and I should be able to start opening the boxes and pulling out 20's.
It feels good to be doing this. I'm tired of looking and feeling this way. There are multiple reasons I am doing this. I am not looking to be skinny, I am looking to be healthy and to be fit. I do very little for myself. This is something I am doing for ME. My first goal is to lose 35 lb. I've got 22 to go! I'll set a new goal after 35. I figure I need to lose about 85-100 total, so I'll go in small increments. Right now, my exercise is minimal and I'm thinking the more I lose the more I'll have to start exercising.
So this is my new weight loss journey.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year 2012
Wow...really? 2012??? It was like 1998 only two days ago!
So new year, new things. I've never been one to make resolutions. I mean really how many people keep their resolutions? It's so cliche. BUT I have some goals/priorities this year. Here are a few:
1. This year I want to take more time for myself. Being a 2nd year teacher, I take very little time for me. I dont quite know how I am going to do that just yet, but I'm working on it.
2. Health- I am healthy, but I am overweight. I have, sadly, gained back the weight I lost a couple of years ago. I evaluated my eating habits and discovered I am eating HORRIBLY. I am not going to go all drastic like I did before; but rather, just count calories, exercise when I can and try to take better care of myself. That means more sleep, less stress, etc. Sure, my ultimate goal is to lose weight, but I'm just going to take it a day at a time.
3. Friends- I'm going to stop spending as much time stressing over keeping friends that don't necessarily want to be kept and focusing on those that do.
4. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone in different areas of my life. I'm doing things that are not necessarily what I want to do or am comfortable doing (not bad things, just out of my comfort zone), but I need to step out and take charge and do them.
So whether you want to call them resolutions, goals, priorities, whatever. I'm just planning on having a great year and wherever God leads me, I'll call...I may go kicking and screaming, but I'll go! :)
Happy New Years!
So new year, new things. I've never been one to make resolutions. I mean really how many people keep their resolutions? It's so cliche. BUT I have some goals/priorities this year. Here are a few:
1. This year I want to take more time for myself. Being a 2nd year teacher, I take very little time for me. I dont quite know how I am going to do that just yet, but I'm working on it.
2. Health- I am healthy, but I am overweight. I have, sadly, gained back the weight I lost a couple of years ago. I evaluated my eating habits and discovered I am eating HORRIBLY. I am not going to go all drastic like I did before; but rather, just count calories, exercise when I can and try to take better care of myself. That means more sleep, less stress, etc. Sure, my ultimate goal is to lose weight, but I'm just going to take it a day at a time.
3. Friends- I'm going to stop spending as much time stressing over keeping friends that don't necessarily want to be kept and focusing on those that do.
4. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone in different areas of my life. I'm doing things that are not necessarily what I want to do or am comfortable doing (not bad things, just out of my comfort zone), but I need to step out and take charge and do them.
So whether you want to call them resolutions, goals, priorities, whatever. I'm just planning on having a great year and wherever God leads me, I'll call...I may go kicking and screaming, but I'll go! :)
Happy New Years!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Top 5 Christmas Light Display Pet Peeves
So this started as a Facebook status; however, it became too long very quickly.
I may get some flack from this, and that's okay. All views expressed in this blog are solely my opinion. I do not condemn or judge anyone who may commit the following Christmas light display crimes.
1. Inflatables. Really, they're hideous. Let's just accept that fact and move on. One inflatable could possibly be accepted. Two, bad deal. Three or more- No. They're incredibly expensive and incredibly hideous. When they are covering your yard and your house...well...that's a crime.
2. Unless you are Clark Griswald or one of those crazy computer people with computer controled houses and your own radio station...more is not always better.
3. Blue lights- I like blue lights if they are mixed with white. For example, a neighbor last year had white and blue alternating C9 lights and they looked amazing. My roommate has blue and white lights on her tree. It's gorgeous. But when you do ALL blue...it reminds me of the scene from some scary Santa kills the world Christmas movie. The other problem is that blue lights vary in color. We have a current neighbor with blue lights around the door, the garage and the yard. All are different shades of blue. It is not pretty.
3. Blue lights- I like blue lights if they are mixed with white. For example, a neighbor last year had white and blue alternating C9 lights and they looked amazing. My roommate has blue and white lights on her tree. It's gorgeous. But when you do ALL blue...it reminds me of the scene from some scary Santa kills the world Christmas movie. The other problem is that blue lights vary in color. We have a current neighbor with blue lights around the door, the garage and the yard. All are different shades of blue. It is not pretty.
4. Blinking lights- Nothing screams tacky like hanging lights across the front of your house with only one strand out of 4-5 strands. In addtion, if there are multiple bushes and some blink and some don't...it just looks like you are too lazy to replace the flasher bulb.
5. Mixed lights- I have white icicle lights on my house and white snowflake lights in my tree. The lights on my bush are colored and the lights on the stakes are colored. It looks good. I wouldn't do it if it didn't. HOWEVER.. mixing white lights with colored lights is not easy. Most of the time, it just doesn't work. I have another neighbor that always has a beautiful display. It's a duplex and they both work together on it. THis year apparently a strand of their white icicle lights went out. So they have ONE STRAND of BLUE icicle lights on their roof line while every other light on the property is white *face palm*
There is a house in my town. It's AT LEAST a half million dollar house (probably more). It is in a working class neighborhood in the middle of town where every other house on the street is probably $100,000-150,000. It really stands out on this street of average homes. It's a gorgeous home. Every CHristmas they have the most tacky Christmas lights. This year they have white C9's on every gable eave of their house. The house is so huge I can only imagine what it cost to have those professionally placed. Then, every tree (they're small) and bush has different colors of lights. Some are solid (green, red, blue, etc) and some are multicolored and some are white. There's not pattern, rhyme or reason. Some bushes blink, some don't. It's like...really? The house already stands out. I can't help but think how beautiful it could look with an organized light display.
Okay...so am I judging? Well, okay maybe a little. BUT as stated these are solely my opinions. I agree that light displays are fun and creative and should be a way to show your personality....but sometimes..I wonder if the people who have hung these lights step back and actually look at what their house looks like?
Of coures, it's kinda like when you see a house that was recently painted a bright yellow. You wonder if at any point anyone stopped and questioned the paint color?
But I digress, that's another topic for another day.
I recently ran across a webiste www.uglychristmaslights.com. This is the source of inspiration. I have attached a few pictures for your enjoyment, but I recommend taking a look at this yourself. The captions are priceless.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Two Top Fives
Tonight, I feel the need to share two top fives. I had a poopy day and I need something kinda cheerful today.
Marti's Top Five Favorite Old TV Shows
1. I Love Lucy- I mean...FOR REAL that is some good TV and there's NO sex, NO drugs, NO immorality...it's just good clean fun!
2. Dick Van Dyke- Dick Van Dyke is one of the all time best comedians of all times. Anything he is in...is going to be great.
3. Mary Tyler Moore- I love this show. I did some reading about it and there is a lot of stuff saying that the MTM show is the show that set off a lot of things on TV that have escalated to the crap we see now. After watching it...I can understand that point of view....BUT after shows I see today, it's one of the best! Mary Tyler Moore as an actress and person is one of my favorites as well. She is classic, timeless beauty and she's a type 1 diabetic. That is obviously near and dear to my heart.
4. Golden Girls- Okay so I've gone from good ole wholesome family values shows to this. LOL. I LOVE the four dirty old women! This show is amazing and I LOVE it! I love the horrible sets, music and amazing 80's bling and gaudy dresses with shoulder pads. Such a great show!
5. Full House- What a great show! Again, it is insanely cheesy and so unrealistic...but it's just good TV. I grew up on this so it's a classic and I can watch it over and over!
Okay, now for my second Top Five. Marti's Top 5 Things I Hate About What I Love:
1. I LOVE fall, but I hate that it gets early so dark. I want to go outside and enjoy the amazing weather and walk and exercise, but it's DARK!
2. I LOVE fall, but I hate that it stays dark so late in the morning! It is SO hard to get up in the morning when it's still dark and I know it will be dark when I get home.
3. I LOVE living in Nixa. It's, to me, the perfect place to live. It's a small close knit community with quick access to Branson and Springfield. I HATE that there is no direct access to highways. You either take 14 or CC to Ozark and Highway 65 (hilly curvy two lane roads) or you take 160/Campbell in to Springfield. If you have ever driven that road...you know the traffic is a nightmare. I miss living in Ozark when I literally was a stones throw from 65 and just a few miles beyond that to 60.
4. Again, I LOVE fall, but I hate fall allergies! Mine are worse in fall than any time of year.
5. I love my friends, but I hate that so many of them live so stinkin' far away!!!
Marti's Top Five Favorite Old TV Shows
1. I Love Lucy- I mean...FOR REAL that is some good TV and there's NO sex, NO drugs, NO immorality...it's just good clean fun!
2. Dick Van Dyke- Dick Van Dyke is one of the all time best comedians of all times. Anything he is in...is going to be great.
3. Mary Tyler Moore- I love this show. I did some reading about it and there is a lot of stuff saying that the MTM show is the show that set off a lot of things on TV that have escalated to the crap we see now. After watching it...I can understand that point of view....BUT after shows I see today, it's one of the best! Mary Tyler Moore as an actress and person is one of my favorites as well. She is classic, timeless beauty and she's a type 1 diabetic. That is obviously near and dear to my heart.
4. Golden Girls- Okay so I've gone from good ole wholesome family values shows to this. LOL. I LOVE the four dirty old women! This show is amazing and I LOVE it! I love the horrible sets, music and amazing 80's bling and gaudy dresses with shoulder pads. Such a great show!
5. Full House- What a great show! Again, it is insanely cheesy and so unrealistic...but it's just good TV. I grew up on this so it's a classic and I can watch it over and over!
Okay, now for my second Top Five. Marti's Top 5 Things I Hate About What I Love:
1. I LOVE fall, but I hate that it gets early so dark. I want to go outside and enjoy the amazing weather and walk and exercise, but it's DARK!
2. I LOVE fall, but I hate that it stays dark so late in the morning! It is SO hard to get up in the morning when it's still dark and I know it will be dark when I get home.
3. I LOVE living in Nixa. It's, to me, the perfect place to live. It's a small close knit community with quick access to Branson and Springfield. I HATE that there is no direct access to highways. You either take 14 or CC to Ozark and Highway 65 (hilly curvy two lane roads) or you take 160/Campbell in to Springfield. If you have ever driven that road...you know the traffic is a nightmare. I miss living in Ozark when I literally was a stones throw from 65 and just a few miles beyond that to 60.
4. Again, I LOVE fall, but I hate fall allergies! Mine are worse in fall than any time of year.
5. I love my friends, but I hate that so many of them live so stinkin' far away!!!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Top 5 + a few
Today I feel the need to list my favorite Top 5 Springfield only eating establishments. If I ever leave this area, I would miss these places...and probably lose weight!
1. Pineapple Whip- Heaven on a cone for $2 from Memorial Day to Labor Day every year! I actually prefer the grape or strawberry kiwi over the pineapple.
2. The Traveling Taco- The BEST taco ever created...and it travels in a trailer but usually camps out on the corner of Fremont and Sunshine by Kaleidascope. Perfectly seasoned chicken breast with homemade spicy salsa, creamy sour cream, lettuce and tons of perfectly shredded white cheese. *salivate*
3. Simply Yo Frozen Yogurt- If you think you love Orange Leaf, it's simply because you haven't had Simply Yo! It's fresh and it's REAL, not powdered like Orange Leaf. Cherry Limeade is my personal favorite, and I will be sad when they take it away (it's their summer flavor).
4. Mexican Villa- There ain't nothin' Mexican about it! (haha). I think it should be named Springfield Villa. Give me a burrito enchilada style with a side of queso dip and chips. *DROOL*
5. Springfield Style Cashew Chicken- You know I know that Leong's created it, but it's not my favorite. I prefer either Hong Kong Inn (the Ozark location is the best) or Shanghai Inn in Nixa. Hong Kong Inn has the best crab rang goon but can sometimes be dry on the chicken. Yen Ching in Ozark doesn't have the best cashew chicken, but they do have hte best chicken friend rice and they are the ONLY place where I like the egg rolls. Springfield is the mecca of Chinese food places!
HEre are a few runner ups: Finnegan's Wake (fish & chips!), Maria's (fried tacos!), La Fiesta (the one in Ozark is the best), Rosie Jo's (give me some fried pickles please!), Cedars (okay this should probably be in the top 5 but I ran out)- I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cedars. It's the only place where you can get true home cooked Southern food, a good atmosphere (especially now that Springfield is smoke free) and only spend $5!, Today's Donuts in Nixa- I can never eat a Krispy Kreme without thinking of these! SO much like the good ole Houchins in Sikeston before Mr. Bob retired.
If anyone wonders why I have a weight problem, this probably just answered your question!
1. Pineapple Whip- Heaven on a cone for $2 from Memorial Day to Labor Day every year! I actually prefer the grape or strawberry kiwi over the pineapple.
2. The Traveling Taco- The BEST taco ever created...and it travels in a trailer but usually camps out on the corner of Fremont and Sunshine by Kaleidascope. Perfectly seasoned chicken breast with homemade spicy salsa, creamy sour cream, lettuce and tons of perfectly shredded white cheese. *salivate*
3. Simply Yo Frozen Yogurt- If you think you love Orange Leaf, it's simply because you haven't had Simply Yo! It's fresh and it's REAL, not powdered like Orange Leaf. Cherry Limeade is my personal favorite, and I will be sad when they take it away (it's their summer flavor).
4. Mexican Villa- There ain't nothin' Mexican about it! (haha). I think it should be named Springfield Villa. Give me a burrito enchilada style with a side of queso dip and chips. *DROOL*
5. Springfield Style Cashew Chicken- You know I know that Leong's created it, but it's not my favorite. I prefer either Hong Kong Inn (the Ozark location is the best) or Shanghai Inn in Nixa. Hong Kong Inn has the best crab rang goon but can sometimes be dry on the chicken. Yen Ching in Ozark doesn't have the best cashew chicken, but they do have hte best chicken friend rice and they are the ONLY place where I like the egg rolls. Springfield is the mecca of Chinese food places!
HEre are a few runner ups: Finnegan's Wake (fish & chips!), Maria's (fried tacos!), La Fiesta (the one in Ozark is the best), Rosie Jo's (give me some fried pickles please!), Cedars (okay this should probably be in the top 5 but I ran out)- I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cedars. It's the only place where you can get true home cooked Southern food, a good atmosphere (especially now that Springfield is smoke free) and only spend $5!, Today's Donuts in Nixa- I can never eat a Krispy Kreme without thinking of these! SO much like the good ole Houchins in Sikeston before Mr. Bob retired.
If anyone wonders why I have a weight problem, this probably just answered your question!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thinking back...
I was pondering the other day how much my life has changed in the last year. It's amazing what a year can do for you. This time last year I was still dealing with what I thought was a devastating blow of not finding a job. While I had an overall good attitude about it, I was still struggling immensely. Little did I know that in a week, my life would change drastically and I would face the HARDEST year of my life, but also the most rewarding and fulfilling.
I am so blessed and humbled by everything God has done in my life, especially this past year. It has grown and stretched me in ways I never imagined. I am still pondering the future and where God is going to take me...literally. I know that my time in Missouri may be shorter than I had originally planned...but after going through what I went through this last year, I feel more equipped to handle it.
My 8 1/2 years at GPH seems lifetimes away right now. I very much miss my "family" there but I am still able to keep in touch with them. Our lives are all moving on and even if I were still there, things are quite different than they were when I left. God knew it was my time to go there.
If I had known everything that lay in store for me last October when I accepted the new job, I'm not sure I would have taken on the challenge. BUT I am so thankful I did! I made some good friends, I learned A LOT, I grew some tough skin and learned more endurance and patience than I thought possible...and hopefully in the process...I reached a few kiddos.
Thank you Lord for what you've brought me through and where you are taking me!
I am so blessed and humbled by everything God has done in my life, especially this past year. It has grown and stretched me in ways I never imagined. I am still pondering the future and where God is going to take me...literally. I know that my time in Missouri may be shorter than I had originally planned...but after going through what I went through this last year, I feel more equipped to handle it.
My 8 1/2 years at GPH seems lifetimes away right now. I very much miss my "family" there but I am still able to keep in touch with them. Our lives are all moving on and even if I were still there, things are quite different than they were when I left. God knew it was my time to go there.
If I had known everything that lay in store for me last October when I accepted the new job, I'm not sure I would have taken on the challenge. BUT I am so thankful I did! I made some good friends, I learned A LOT, I grew some tough skin and learned more endurance and patience than I thought possible...and hopefully in the process...I reached a few kiddos.
Thank you Lord for what you've brought me through and where you are taking me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)