~he who fails to learn, fails to grow~

I have been reading books by Mark Batterson lately.  He is a gifted writer.  Many things that he says in his books are "Christianity:101" common sense; yet HOW he says them are just eye (and heart) opening.  I have been a Christian for most of my life, but sometimes (many times) I need these reminders. 

Recently I had something happen to me that shook me to my core.  I literally felt like someone had punched me in the gut until I could no longer breathe...and then continued to kick me while I was down. For days I walked around in a pathetic state of disbelief and confusion.   What happened took me so off guard and came from what I thought was way out of no where.  I'm still processing and dealing with these things; yet God is good.  Through this low point in my life, I have had to turn to God more than I have had to in years.  I had to get to a place of complete on my face before God brokenness in order to see some other areas of my life that I need to work on.  It's at those low places where you start seeing things from a different perspective. 

I couldn't sit and ask God why though.  I want to...but I can't.  I don't know why.  One thing I have learned is that asking why does me no good.  There are many things in my life that I still don't understand "why."  HOWEVER, there are many things in my life that took me years to learn the "why."  I've been amazed over and over and over when I look back on my life and realize that if this bad thing hadn't happened, this amazingly awesome thing never would have happened.  In Mark Batterson's book "Soulprint" he says "While you live your life forward,  God works backward. The Oniscient One always starts with the end in mind." 
Another eye opening thing he says in the same book is this: 
"Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity. And one way God redeems the past is by helping us see It through His eyes, His providence. The key to fulfilling your future destiny is hidden in your past memories." 

Another thing I am learning is to listen for the Voice of the Lord.  I could easily get lost in my hurt right now.  I could shut myself up in a shell and lock out the people that love me.  This is exactly what I started to do and it would be so seemingly easy to do that.  In Mark Batterson's book "The Circle Maker"  he says (paraphrased) that we must stop seeking answers of why things happen and simply seek GOD!   I struggle with this b/c my questions were so overwhelming.  But I am finding as I simply seek God, seek His presence, seek His voice, seek His face...that the questions are not nearly as important any more.  All I care about is being with my precious Savior and loving Him and fulfilling the purpose He gave me. 

I am so blessed.  I could sit here and choose to count the bad things in my life...my weaknesses, my faults, my shortcomings, my wants, my needs.... but I choose to count my blessings (cliche I know!).  I have so many that when I start really thanking God for them, everything else just seems to disappear. 

He is the potter, I am the clay.  May I ever be moldable in to the image of God.  Like Michaelangelo saw the masterpiece in a block of stone that later became the masterpiece David, God sees through the junk in my life and wants to bring out the masterpiece that He uniquely created in me.  He has so much for my life.  I can't sit and dwell on things I have no control over. 

Be blessed! 

Marti

And the beat goes on...

There are only 14 1/2 school days left.  For real...where did the year go???  This has been an AMAZING year.  I am SO incredibly blessed.  Last year was a real challenge and I prayed for a great year this year and I got it.  I'm so going to miss my amazing little 2nd graders.  They're such a great group of kids!  I am truly blessed.


Well the weight loss/get fit journey continues.  Four weeks ago I added CrossFit to my workout regimen.  I am SOOOO addicted!  Each workout literally kicks my butt and I seriously don't know how I'll even be able to drive home, but I feel SO GREAT!  I'm down a total of 28 lb since the end of December. I've also been consistently walking about 3 miles a day, even on CrossFit days.   I started measuring on April 2.  I measured this morning and I've lost about an inch every where but really have only lost a couple of pounds.  I haven't been able to do Zumba since I started CrossFit b/c they are at the same time but I'd like to work it out this summer so I can do both.  I feel great, even when my muscles are shaking.  :)  This has been such a great addition to my life!  I love challenging myself and pushing and then looking back when I'm done and having that sense of accomplishment.  I DID IT.  Thanks to Jenn and Allie for constantly pushing me and not letting me give up! 


On top of all of this working out, I'm staying busy at the end of the school year and gearing up for Guatemala.  It is rapidly approaching.  I still have about $350 to raise so please pray that comes in by May 16th! 


While I've had some disapointments and personal setbacks over the past couple of weeks, I'm really excited about this summer and what God is doing in and through me.  I'm looking forward to ministering and just relaxing and hanging out with friends.

I wish I knew how to do really cool blog stuff...

Hiking at Busiek 3/11/12

18 lb down!

Can someone please teach me how to really rev up my blog and do cool stuff with it? I'm so inept.

I just finished Hunger Games (the first book, not the trilogy). It leaves me rather depressed and melancholy tonight. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVED the book, but i'm feeling blue now! Maybe I should start the second book to keep me going. ha. STinkin' addictive books!

Many years ago I felt a burden that I would someday adopt a little boy from Guatemala. It's been a dream and a passion now for years. This year, I will have the opportunity to travel to Guatemala and work with Shadow of His Wings orphanage. I am SO EXCITED about this opportunity and pray it leads to many more. I absolutely love missions. I wish I could travel the world working with different groups sharing the love of Jesus with people. This morning I had nursery but I was listening to the sermon. It was missions Sunday. Listening to the missionaries speak, watching a slide show of missionaries our church supports flash on the screen, hearing stories of both difficult times and triumph...it gets my heart going! I have loved and supported missions since I was a little girl. It's difficult to even put into words because it such a passion and a burden. I just feel so blessed that God has chosen and called me to be a part of the bigger "kingdom" picture. First Cambodia, then Ireland and now Guatemala. I'm so blessed!

This will be a big week for me. After years of battling sinus infection after sinus infection, I am having sinus surgery. Up until a day or two ago I really hadn't thought much about it. I've been so busy that I've given it little thought. Now though, the quicker it approaches, the more nervous I am. I have had surgery before but something about them working in my facial area really bothers me. That's a little too close for comfort. There's a line in Anne of Green Gables where Anne makes a comment about her lovely nose and how she's been complimented for her nose. My nose is something I've often received compliments on. I have my cute little Netteler nose. :) I don't want anyone messing with it! The problem though lies in the "little" part of the nose. It's too small inside and there's not enough room for stuff to drain so they have to make room. I'm also concerned about the recovery. I've heard it can be pretty brutal. Praying for quick painless healing. I very much appreciate your prayers.

I've taken up a few new things lately. I tried contra dancing and loved it. I tried Bali dancing, sort of. That's not my thing. I do love Zumba though. I totally suck at it. My body DOES NOT move like that...but I work hard and do the best I can and just have fun. I really enjoy it. I've also taken up hiking. Wow, now that's addicting! I've gone twice and just had a blast, plus had a great workout. In total, I've lost 18 lb. I probalby would have lost more if I hadn't eaten that Mexican and ice cream after my last hiking adventure! ha. Tomorrow I'm going to give CrossFit a try. It should be interesting! I may be taking the sinus surgery pain meds for back pain after all this working out!


I'm also very thankful for my Life Group and friends God has placed in my life lately. I've been praying for a good group of friends that are my age and in my stage of life for awhile and God has blessed me abundantly with that. I love my friends!

If anyone is interested in donating towards my trip to Guatemala, shoot me a message on Facebook. I am doing A LOT of babysitting to try to raise funds. I am having a garage sale and some other awesome things have come up to raise money as well. I have a very short time to raise it in! I, again, appreciate your prayers as I come up with the money and prepare for this trip.

God bless!

Marti

Rant/Challenge

Okay, so I am going to attempt to put a bunch of frustrations and personal things (without being too personal) into a tactful and heartfelt blog. It's late, but this has been on my heart for awhile and I just need to get it out there.

I am fat.

Or, if you so choose, you can use the word obese, overweight, big, large, plus sized or "one who doesn't take care of herself." (The last being a personal "favorite"-insert sarcasm).

I have attempted a number of online dating sites, both Christian and non. I haven't had any success and I'm fine with that. I want God's best for my life and so far I haven't met him. God has given me an amazing peace that the one He has for me is out there and I'm waiting on God to orchestrate all the details necessary to make that happen. I have peace!

So here's my beef. I am so tired of the excuse "guys are visual." I know that guys are, but I also think that guys overuse this an excuse to mask their own insecurities and issues in order to find their perfect trophy wife to make themselves look good. Christian guys...you are by far the worst, hands down. If I hear one more pastor exclaim from the pulpit, facebook or any other public forum that they have a "smokin' hot wife" I think I might spew vomit at them. It's as if you need a "smokin' hot wife" to validate your weaknesses and insecurities. She has to make you look good and if she doesn't look a certain way then you somehow do not look as good. Woah, that was a side rant...didnt even intend on going there...but I did and I'm not erasing it.

I have seen profile after profile after profile of guys who sound magnificent. They are all about their relationship with God, blah blah blah...and then you get to the bottom of their profile and there is ALWAYS a bottom note "By the way, I'm not into plus size girls" or "I don't do big girls so if you are big don't message me." Or "I will only date girls who take care of themselves."

Now, just to set the record straight, I do believe 100% that there has to be an attraction and compatibility. I also believe that the attraction grows over time. I am a "friends first" kinda girl, which may explain my relationship status...and that's okay because I dont want to rush in to a physical/physically attractive only relationship only to find out the guy is a complete loser and we can't carry on a conversation or he eats with his mouth open or something horrible like that. True long lasting attraction grows over time. Sure you have your initial attraction, but when the make up wears off or you see her 9 months pregnant or doesn't lose the baby weight...or bald with cancer... you have to have more than a physical attraction. Christian guys...it's time to stop looking at only her outside and start loving her for what she is on the inside. Stop holding her up to the world's unrealistic standards and hold her to God's standards and see her for who she is...a most precious daughter of the king.

When I look in a mirror I see my sassy fun hair cut, I see my "sexy" eyes (according to my BFF), I see my Netteler nose and my good teeth with as my sister says "full kissing lips". I love make up and dressing nicely (and I also love my pink comfy sweatpants and old tshirts). I see a smile that comes from my heart. I see someone who is passionate about the Lord and fulfilling His will in her life. I see someone who has an intense love for kids and the passion to see them grow and be world changers wherever they go. I see someone who is passionate about music and using it to glorify God. I see someone who is loved deeply by friends and family and 23 2nd graders. I see someone who has a heart for missions. I see a daughter of amazing parents, a sister to two awesome sisters, an aunt to 7 nieces and nepnews... and most importantly a daughter of the King. I am loved by God! What an awesome feeling!

Then I notice the fat. And somehow, I let that dominate all of the above b/c of some jerk's profiles on an onilne dating site or something a guy (or three) has said to me in the past about my weight. Shame on me and shame on you guys for allowing women to feel like they are worthless because of a number on a scale.

Obviously, as previously blogged, I am trying to lose weight. It is an uphill battle. I will never be skinny. My goal is to be healthy. I am healthy currently and I do take care of myself, but I am also overweight. I know that I have to work hard to maintain my health and do my best to lose weight. I have been eating healthy for 8 weeks. The last 3 weeks, despite healthy eating, I have gained 6 lb (of the 16 I lost). I dont' know why but I'm going to keep doing my best to be the best me I can physically. I am also doing my best to be all I can spiritually.

In the mean time, i have deactivated all online dating accounts. It's time to remove the rubbish from my life that brings me down. I'm also removing rubbish in the form of people that can't love me for me or have an issue with my weight. I don't have room for that in my life.

I challenge everyone (myself included), to start seeing what God sees. This applies in ALL relatinoships. Men (especially Christian)- It's time to stop getting hung up on her outer appearance (good or bad!) and fall in love with her heart. I am sitting here thinking of times I judged based off of appearance but then realized there was an amazing person underneath. I once judged a girl who was incredibly beautiful. I was seriously intimidated because of her beauty. Over time, we became good friends and I got to know the amazing woman of God behind the outer beauty; so this works in all areas, not just weight. On the flip side I have had friends who were incredibly beautiful and seemed to have it all together, but when I got to know them realized they were a mess with loads of baggage and issues. Beauty can only cover that for so long.

Take your blinders off and look at the heart. Weight is really the least of your concerns.

Okay, I feel better now that that's out on paper. :)

Lose it!

Here is a picture taken after I lost 9 lb. I'll take more as I go.

Well, here it is, January 29th...already. It really feels more like March with this unseasonly warm weather. Let me tell ya, it's wreaking HAVOC upon my sinuses. If you know me at all, you know I HATE snow...but I'm really hoping for one REALLY GOOD snow. Like 2 days out of school snow. I do love a good snow day. THose are days when you feel absolutely no pressure to work. It's completely acceptable to stay in your PJ's all day and eat junk and watch girly movies. Ahhh...I REALLY want a good snow day! :)

Well, I'm greatly enjoying my new Kindle Touch. I have read two books and read a devotional on there as well. Love it! With the ole arthritis in the hands, it's so much easier to handle than a book. Yeah, I sound like I'm 80.

For a few months I've been battling the "weight" issue. Well, I've been battling it my whole life, but it's really gotten me down the last few months. In 2009, I lost 35 lb. I have gained every lb back. On December 30th, I started using an app called Lose It. It helps determine how many calories you can consume to lose 2 lb a week. I heard great things about it from others so I started using it. I was amazed at how many calories I was consuming on a normal day. I'm not sure when/how I got back to being that "bad," but it happened and it's time to take charge. SO...here we go again with trying to lose weight. This time, I'm not going all extreme though. I'm just doing calorie counting and exercise when I can. When I started counting calories, I packed up all of my clothes that were too small and they sit in two boxes in my bedroom floor. Those boxes sit there as a reminder that I WILL wear them again and I'm tired of them sitting in my floor.

The first week I was hungry a lot, until I went shopping and started buying healthier food with lower calories. I learned I can eat a lot more if I buy healthier lower calorie options.

The first week, I lost 7 lb. The 2nd week, I lost 1, the third, nothing, and then the 4th 2. I'm on the fifth week and I've lost 3...that's a total of 13 lb!

I have also started a detox this week. That's....fun... (not!).

While I have yet to bust out of the "too small" clothes boxes in my bedroom floor, I am feeling MUCH more comfortable in my clothes. When I lost weight before, I got down to a size 18. I was back in a loose 24 in December. Right now, my 24's are swallowing me and 22's are fitting just right. Another 10 lb and I should be able to start opening the boxes and pulling out 20's.

It feels good to be doing this. I'm tired of looking and feeling this way. There are multiple reasons I am doing this. I am not looking to be skinny, I am looking to be healthy and to be fit. I do very little for myself. This is something I am doing for ME. My first goal is to lose 35 lb. I've got 22 to go! I'll set a new goal after 35. I figure I need to lose about 85-100 total, so I'll go in small increments. Right now, my exercise is minimal and I'm thinking the more I lose the more I'll have to start exercising.

So this is my new weight loss journey.

Happy New Year 2012

Wow...really? 2012??? It was like 1998 only two days ago!

So new year, new things. I've never been one to make resolutions. I mean really how many people keep their resolutions? It's so cliche. BUT I have some goals/priorities this year. Here are a few:

1. This year I want to take more time for myself. Being a 2nd year teacher, I take very little time for me. I dont quite know how I am going to do that just yet, but I'm working on it.

2. Health- I am healthy, but I am overweight. I have, sadly, gained back the weight I lost a couple of years ago. I evaluated my eating habits and discovered I am eating HORRIBLY. I am not going to go all drastic like I did before; but rather, just count calories, exercise when I can and try to take better care of myself. That means more sleep, less stress, etc. Sure, my ultimate goal is to lose weight, but I'm just going to take it a day at a time.

3. Friends- I'm going to stop spending as much time stressing over keeping friends that don't necessarily want to be kept and focusing on those that do.

4. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone in different areas of my life. I'm doing things that are not necessarily what I want to do or am comfortable doing (not bad things, just out of my comfort zone), but I need to step out and take charge and do them.

So whether you want to call them resolutions, goals, priorities, whatever. I'm just planning on having a great year and wherever God leads me, I'll call...I may go kicking and screaming, but I'll go! :)

Happy New Years!

Top 5 Christmas Light Display Pet Peeves

So this started as a Facebook status; however, it became too long very quickly.

I may get some flack from this, and that's okay. All views expressed in this blog are solely my opinion. I do not condemn or judge anyone who may commit the following Christmas light display crimes.

1. Inflatables. Really, they're hideous. Let's just accept that fact and move on. One inflatable could possibly be accepted. Two, bad deal. Three or more- No. They're incredibly expensive and incredibly hideous. When they are covering your yard and your house...well...that's a crime.

2. Unless you are Clark Griswald or one of those crazy computer people with computer controled houses and your own radio station...more is not always better.

3. Blue lights- I like blue lights if they are mixed with white. For example, a neighbor last year had white and blue alternating C9 lights and they looked amazing. My roommate has blue and white lights on her tree. It's gorgeous. But when you do ALL blue...it reminds me of the scene from some scary Santa kills the world Christmas movie. The other problem is that blue lights vary in color. We have a current neighbor with blue lights around the door, the garage and the yard. All are different shades of blue. It is not pretty.

4. Blinking lights- Nothing screams tacky like hanging lights across the front of your house with only one strand out of 4-5 strands. In addtion, if there are multiple bushes and some blink and some don't...it just looks like you are too lazy to replace the flasher bulb.

5. Mixed lights- I have white icicle lights on my house and white snowflake lights in my tree. The lights on my bush are colored and the lights on the stakes are colored. It looks good. I wouldn't do it if it didn't. HOWEVER.. mixing white lights with colored lights is not easy. Most of the time, it just doesn't work. I have another neighbor that always has a beautiful display. It's a duplex and they both work together on it. THis year apparently a strand of their white icicle lights went out. So they have ONE STRAND of BLUE icicle lights on their roof line while every other light on the property is white *face palm*

There is a house in my town. It's AT LEAST a half million dollar house (probably more). It is in a working class neighborhood in the middle of town where every other house on the street is probably $100,000-150,000. It really stands out on this street of average homes. It's a gorgeous home. Every CHristmas they have the most tacky Christmas lights. This year they have white C9's on every gable eave of their house. The house is so huge I can only imagine what it cost to have those professionally placed. Then, every tree (they're small) and bush has different colors of lights. Some are solid (green, red, blue, etc) and some are multicolored and some are white. There's not pattern, rhyme or reason. Some bushes blink, some don't. It's like...really? The house already stands out. I can't help but think how beautiful it could look with an organized light display.

Okay...so am I judging? Well, okay maybe a little. BUT as stated these are solely my opinions. I agree that light displays are fun and creative and should be a way to show your personality....but sometimes..I wonder if the people who have hung these lights step back and actually look at what their house looks like?

Of coures, it's kinda like when you see a house that was recently painted a bright yellow. You wonder if at any point anyone stopped and questioned the paint color?

But I digress, that's another topic for another day.

I recently ran across a webiste www.uglychristmaslights.com. This is the source of inspiration. I have attached a few pictures for your enjoyment, but I recommend taking a look at this yourself. The captions are priceless.